So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
