I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think my moral compass just broke
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
