We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
