If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just found a bag of teeth...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
