my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
