You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
