I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
