She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
