I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
