She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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