is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
