Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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