I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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