Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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