I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
