u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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