Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Couch. On fire.
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