In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't turn off my feet"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
