I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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