New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
