I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
