She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
