Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
worst night to have a conscience
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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