She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize