If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
