she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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