You work out of a Hotel?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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