At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just found a bag of teeth...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
