Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
