I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
