my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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