Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
two words...techno handjob
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
