____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The adults are the big ones right?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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