rhymes with "ouble enetration"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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