wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why did my mother make you get naked?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
