Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
