So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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