Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
