Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Every concussion has its silver lining
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
