Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
