I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
