you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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