I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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