Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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