I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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