Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
