Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
