I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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