I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
