what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
