So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
