Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
