I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
