Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
