My balls are so social today.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
