mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
