If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
