Welp...herpes.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
