I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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