dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
