what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize