I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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