Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
