There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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