Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
