My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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