Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm sobbing to NWA
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
