i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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