Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
