Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
