Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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